Across three centuries, a pair of World Wars, and an untold number of attempted thefts by Carmen Sandiego, the Eiffel Tower has stood as a testament both to French culture and man’s ability to make iconic architecture into set pieces for Roger Moore Bond movies.

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But then, in 2024, the worst came to pass. Social media lit up with an image of the tower engulfed in flames, silhouetted against a wall of smoke – Impressive, considering that the thing is made out of wrought iron, which doesn’t tend to ignite until it hits around 1300 °C. Also, if we’re doing notes, there’s a suspicious lack of news coverage on the subject, assuming that one of the world’s most recognizable structures is, in theory, burning down. But if the whole thing is fake, then why is the Eiffel Tower experiencing closures at the top of 2024? They can try to call it a hoax, but the facts don’t lie. “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” 

Is the Eiffel Tower going to be okay?

First off, Paris just enacted a strict new public smoking ban, so there is no smoke. Second: The facts do lie. The Eiffel Tower did not burn down, despite the evidence provided by your uncle’s wife’s Facebook page and the best attempts of those terrorists from the first act of Superman II. 

The photo making the rounds on social media is a fake, as proven by the notable lack of… everything, really. The French government hasn’t said anything about the tragic end of an era. Nobody’s raising money to renovate and repair, the way that everyone did when Notre Dame caught fire a few years back. Cynical parties are welcome to check out a live stream of the Tower, in which it continues to stand, as it has for over 130 years, very much not on fire. 

As for the Tower’s closure, that’s normal. The top of the building is scheduled to be closed between Jan. 8 and Feb. 9, 2024, for “renovation and maintenance work,” according to the Eiffel Tower’s website. Basically, it’s a big hunk of iron, exposed to the elements, with elevators hanging from the middle of it. It needs some love if it’s going to keep not falling down.

Visitors need not be disappointed, however, as the Tower’s first and second-floor balconies remain not just open, but exceptionally unburned. Even better, the first floor offers a menu of delectable treats, including waffles, wastefully not called “The Waffle Tower,” which may or may not be burnt. No guarantees.

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